Empathy Overload

Sometimes I find it very hard to be human. I seem to be over-emotional about so many things. OK, to be fair I have a lot to be emotional about at this point in my life but I am over the top. I just found myself in tears while watching an old Whoopi Goldberg movie. Sister Act 2 is not supposed to make people cry. Yet the scene where the young people discovered their voice as a choir had me weeping. I am such a sap. I can barely watch the news. All the horror and tragedy is so depressing. I know I am a mystery to my husband who just doesn't get how he married someone who can cry during a TV commercial. I don't get it myself.

The seperation from my family that is imposed upon me right now is partially of my own choosing. I couldn't envision myself leaving the students I teach in the middle of the year when I knew that finding a replacement would be very hard. I knew that my students who had come to trust me would feel abandoned and that I would just be another adult in their eyes who gave lip service to caring about them. There was a financial consideration as well, but the overriding concern that led me to have my family go to Virginia and for me to stay in New Hampshire was my students. I miss my own family so much. It is killing me to be away from them. I thought somehow that it would be easier. I was wrong. I don't regret my decision. I know that I chose the right thing yet that doesn't make it easier.

I feel my students dismay at my leaving, I feel my son's sadness at my not being there, I get that my husband is completely stressed. I'm not sure I can have a clear feeling of what I am feeling when I am so bombarded by everyone else's emotions. For the last two days I have been feeling so low...so down...a regular pity party. I am trying to keep it together and then a dumb movie on TV has me in tears. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel everything eveyone else is feeling quite so strongly.