Finally Here!!!

I am so glad to say that I am back with my family. I am so relieved. Though I have to admit I don't really feel like I live here yet. The house is a wreck...boy clean and girl clean are two different things. I am slowly trying to dig through the mess, the boxes, the stuff and put each room to rights but I can't seem to muster up much enthusiasm. Knowing that this nice house is just another rental, just another of a long string of places where I am going to live, has really put a damper on my normal decorating buzz. I love houses and I love trying envision the spaces and create cool rooms. Oddly though, I feel like leaving everything not absolutely necessary in boxes and putting it all in storage. That is definitely not like me. I guess its just a hangover of sorts from having to move when I thought I'd never have to again. Possibly? Maybe it is the stress of knowing our financial situation is a shambles. It has been hard to move, have two places, two sets of house related bills, etc. We had hoped the Nicks VA compensation would have been settled by now and the extra expense would have been taken care of by that. It has not worked out that way. Now I am questioning the wisdom of this move. I know that Nick needed to work and that the kids are happy, but I am scared to death. Nick's health hasn't been that great either. He is still having migraines though blessedly they aren't as bad. I wonder what will become of us. I guess this is where faith comes in. I kept saying that if God wanted us to move then things would fall in place. They all fell in place. So I have to believe that everything else will work itself out as well. I just hate feeling scared. I wonder what it feels like to never be worried about money or health problems? Think its possible? Guess that leads me back to faith. I have to try to just keep moving forward each day and pray that I don't fall down into the pit of despair ( hmm, a tad bit of Princess Bride on my mind).

The Teaching Journey

One dimension to my life is teaching. Don't get me wrong; I love what I do but it is crazy. I've spent most of my teaching career working with students who fall somewhere on the Autism Spectrum. For the last two years I have been working at an alternate school for students who have either emotional handicaps or have a handicap that relates to Autism. These students have been sent to us because they have had major problems in public school. Not all of their problems are of their own making. On a typical day I help students who don't fully understand the social variables of the world around them. It is interesting and challenging. It is also a little nuts. I get called nasty names, get told exactly what size I am, get threatened with violence, and am frequently told just what a horrible job I am doing. Some people tell me thats nuts. Have I mentioned that I love my job. I love helping students who have never had positive experiences with school learn that not all adults choose to not understand. I love knowing that at the end of the day I've accomplished something good even if I'll never see the results. For all the names I get called, for all the threats I deal with, for all the insults and "reality information" that gets thrown at me; in the end they get that I am trying to help them. They might not like admitting this but they know its true. It is a good feeling even if some days I go home feeling rather battered and frustrated. Despite the students level of difficulty, what is more difficult is knowing that many of my students go home to very dysfunctional situations. I can't fix that, I can only give them 6 good hours a day.