Summer is almost over

My summer ends brutally early. The 20th is my first day of prep for the new school year. I am ambiguous about the start of school this year. I have truly been spoiled by working in New Hampshire. I was making lots more money, I had a great boss, there was very little paperwork, and administrative bullshit was kept to a minimum. While I am always excited to take on new challenges and work with new kids; I can't seem to rid myself of the sadness at leaving my dream job in New Hampshire. I will have to be a big girl and get over it I suppose.

I guess the thing that really ticks me off is knowing how I will be treated. I've worked at this school before and they aren't bad people. I know they are trying their best to educate kids. The thing is they have a tendency to treat the teachers without any professional respect. I hate clocking in and clocking out like a factory worker. I hate that they insist on forms and 3 days notice before you can leave early for a doctors appointment or something at your kids school. I hate that they penny pinch the hours like we were irresponsible. They don't compensate you for the extra hours worked...they don't acknowledge the tons of extra time put in but heaven help you if you leave 10 minutes early. I so dislike that approach. They expect us to be professional and then treat us like a bunch of children. So if your late one morning and you spill coffee on your pants and your stuck at a traffic light and your 10 minutes late you have to sulk into the building like a teenager trying not to get caught. Sheesh....intolerable. Any other profession where people are at a masters level or beyond would never treat their employees like that. If we are salaried employees why are they treating us like hourly employees. I know, its stupid but it pisses me off. Teachers just aren't treated with much respect.

The truth

My last post was perhaps a little too truthful. It wasn't long after I posted that my sister called and she was worried. Of course I should have anticipated that some people who know me might be disturbed by explaining my feelings of depression. In fact on some level I did. I censured some of what I was feeling, hopefully without diluting the sentiment. After my sister called and I assured her I was OK; I began thinking about this blog and its purpose. I suppose I wanted to express myself and air out the things that were running around my brain. I wanted someone...some anonymous someone to read these thoughts and perhaps connect to them in some small way. The catch is that I also wanted some of the people I care about to read these thoughts as well. Which of course leads to my dilemna. It is easier to really put into words what is in my head if noone is going to read those words. It is terribly difficult to be 100% honest knowing that others are going to read and then form judgements about your thoughts. As I slowly woke this morning I was mulling over my feelings on this honesty issue. A very wise friend told me once that the highest level of friendship meant that you could be more honest with them than it was possible to be with anyone else. Then as I checked my homepage the quote of the day jumped out at me.

The stupid believe that to be truthful is easy; only the artist, the great artist, knows how difficult it is.
Willa Cather (1873-1947)

Isn't that odd that just as I was thinking of these things this quote appeared? It is difficult to be really brutally honest. It is difficult to know that others may think ill of you because of your thoughts or ideas. It is difficult to be judged. Of course not many people are reading my little blog but just the same. So, if my rantings have bothered any I love I am sorry for that. I am going to continue to be as honest as I can. After all I guess if I wanted it really private I wouldn't put it on a blog. It is somehow much more cathartic knowing that someone will read what I wrote. Feel free to comment time to time and let me know if I am crazier than I thought *grin*.