Weight: It's a heavy topic

Even thinking about weight and weight issues makes me feel heavily laden. Every magazine I pick up has a weight loss solution somewhere inside. It seems that everywhere I look people are discussing or reading or listening to information on weight loss. TV has shows that center around people's struggles to lose weight. Last night I saw a show that centers around doctors that specialize in helping obese people. It is everywhere. I am so sick of it. I hate feeling like my self worth and everyone else's for that matter is measured in pounds. Sure I want to be thinner, that's not the point. It is the obsession with it that is oppressive. There are so many important things to worry about in this world. Far too much energy is spent on the weight issue. I am trying hard to eat less, exercise more, etc, etc, ad nauseum...but its hard to remain sensible about it when the underlying message that I am being barraged with is that I won't be OK, I won't be acceptable until my BMI is in a certain range. I won't be valuable until my weight is under a certain number or until I fit into clothes that are a particular size. It is a particularly unpleasant feeling thinking that before people know you they are judging your worth by your pant size.

The Weight Loss Journey

Where to start. I clearly remember the first time I was told I needed to lose weight. I was in sixth grade. I cried for what seemed like forever. Since that fateful day I have gained and lost more weight than I can possibly calculate. The ironic thing was that from sixth grade until after college I was never significantly overweight. It wasn't until I was married and my thyroid stopped working that I became overweight. I sure would have liked to have enjoyed the 11 years that I only imagined that I was overweight. The last 17 years have been filled with dieting, not dieting...gaining and losing....over and over. I am worn out from worrying about it. At some point I just gave up thinking I could ever become as "overweight" as I was before my thyroid stopped working. Though to be honest my thyroid is only one factor in my weight battle. I know that quitting smoking, having three kids, suffering from occasional bouts of depression, and dealing with my husbands deployments, and regular old stress contributes to the problem. Oh yeah, I also eat too much. Once again, I am trying to eat more sensibly and exercise more. I just feel defeated before I even begin. Not an auspicious way to start a diet. I am sick to death of dieting but I haven't much choice. I am once again at what I consider to be maximum density. It's time to do something. Wish me luck, I need all the help I can get.