Sometimes I find it very hard to be human. I seem to be over-emotional about so many things. OK, to be fair I have a lot to be emotional about at this point in my life but I am over the top. I just found myself in tears while watching an old Whoopi Goldberg movie. Sister Act 2 is not supposed to make people cry. Yet the scene where the young people discovered their voice as a choir had me weeping. I am such a sap. I can barely watch the news. All the horror and tragedy is so depressing. I know I am a mystery to my husband who just doesn't get how he married someone who can cry during a TV commercial. I don't get it myself.
The seperation from my family that is imposed upon me right now is partially of my own choosing. I couldn't envision myself leaving the students I teach in the middle of the year when I knew that finding a replacement would be very hard. I knew that my students who had come to trust me would feel abandoned and that I would just be another adult in their eyes who gave lip service to caring about them. There was a financial consideration as well, but the overriding concern that led me to have my family go to Virginia and for me to stay in New Hampshire was my students. I miss my own family so much. It is killing me to be away from them. I thought somehow that it would be easier. I was wrong. I don't regret my decision. I know that I chose the right thing yet that doesn't make it easier.
I feel my students dismay at my leaving, I feel my son's sadness at my not being there, I get that my husband is completely stressed. I'm not sure I can have a clear feeling of what I am feeling when I am so bombarded by everyone else's emotions. For the last two days I have been feeling so low...so down...a regular pity party. I am trying to keep it together and then a dumb movie on TV has me in tears. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel everything eveyone else is feeling quite so strongly.
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3 comments:
As a fellow amateur nutjob I recommend electroshock and ...well electroshock,lol.(it is the panacea for everything, or so that drunkard therapist I asked once told me,lol). I mean come on, I feel for you I really do(well not really but it is a nice thing to say and I am a bonafide saint or so my own mommy tells me,lol.So yeah I guess I mean it). One thing is for sure, you are not alone on the empathy front, I have such great mood swings myself it is surreal. But nothing beats crying at Sister Act 2, no that is a no-no territory, it is the forbidden fruit, it is the point of no return, it is just out there...
Look at the bright side though, things can only pick up from here!
It is a period of great change for you it seems and it can be hard I understand. So look yourself in the mirror and say "No more crying" (not before "Sister act 3: The Sisters ultimatum" comes out anyway,lol, just couldnt help it,lol)
Chin up! ( Our little therapy session will be 200 dollars now, hey a merc has to make a living in this world, right,right? Oh man, not another freebie session....lol)
Take care!
Just trying to cheer you up really, it is what I do (with mild success truth be told...no harm trying though,lol)
Miss KJ -
Put down the tissues there sister. Step away from the tv - just say no to lifetime movies. And for God Sakes put the Ho-Hos in the garbage (ok - maybe just one more << wink wink>>).
You are in the middle of a millon life stressers right now - being away from your family - esp. the boys for the first time - being out of your home, again picking up and moving - etc. On top of that you noted how unhappy you are with your physical state.
You need to take a deep breath. Just breathe. Not like Faith Hill - like yoga although I'm not recommending the indian position yet hey if you can do that and be able to get out it solo knock yourself out.
You need to be in the moment of now. Not tomorrow, not next week. Now. It's taking all of these thoughts on that is becoming overwhelming - which is so easy to understand. One day at a time KJ.
I'm only a phone call away.
Love,
Claire
Love ya belle....thanks for the support.
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