Overwhelmed

I haven't added anything here lately due to brain overload. Everyday is a struggle right now. This whole moving, husband ill. retiring, new job, money issues, need to unpack, three boys, need to diet, has me a bit crazier than usual. You know that feeling that you get when you need to focus on something important but it is so daunting to think about it that you just can't let yourself think about it? Wow..that was a bad sentence but I think you get what I mean. I am so freaked out that I can't put it down in black and white. It would make all my problems become too real. I am letting my husband deal with the financial strain of this whole thing....but I know its not good. I know it could be certain disaster just around the bend....I know that if the Department of Veterans Affairs doesn't hurry up and process my husbands claim that things will not be good. If they had done what they had said they would do and get the issue resolved when my husband retired then we wouldn't be in trouble. Nick took this job down here because he was certain that he had to get a job to help us. He is still not fully functional. Every time he gets a headache, everytime he has to go into work late or come home early, everytime he can't sleep, I panic. What if the headaches set back in on a daily basis again? What if he can't work? Our budget did not handle the move well and just recovering is going to take a long time. Not to mention that my pay from New Hampshire ends in August and I won't get paid at my new job until the last day of September. That is a whole month without my salary and we can't afford that right now. So, even though I said I couldn't think about it....it is all I think about. I said I couldn't put it in black and white...but I am at least writing about some of it. I am so scared. I am trying not to let the boys know how worried I am. I am trying to just keep pushing forward and I am praying that it will all work out OK. I feel sick to my stomach and I am perseverating mostly because I don't know how to make this all work out. I feel so helpless. I want to be a kid again. I want to not have to think about anything other than the day in front of me. I can't even imagine how amazing it would be to have one day free of worry. Just one day....